Island Vibes Magazine

More Like, DontFlatterHimGirl.com!

Posted on 04. Aug, 2009 by admin in Viewpoints

By Renee B.

The opportunity had me in a headlock. I was stuck at work, and the intensity of my emotions prevented me from concentrating on anything. Before I even knew what happened, my scorned woman within had, with fire in her eyes and shooting from her fingertips, entered his name, age, and city and had now begun to type up a detailed account of his cowardice, deception, and general lameness while perusing the Internet for a head shot of him to upload that would surely make him look pathetic and undesirable. Which unsuspecting individual was poised to be exposed as a loser, and on what website? My most despised ex, of course–and he was just about to become the latest featured creep on the website that would revolutionize the Break Up: www.DontDateHimGirl.com.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, www.DontDateHimGirl.com (DDHG) is a website where women can profile the men who drop kicked them in the heart, pride or spirit as a community service style warning to their fellow women. The general theme is ripping these dudes to shreds by offering an in-depth report on the dirt they’ve done to the author, followed with the warning that the same will be done to the reader if they date this man. The site’s launch took off running, creating an instant fascination amongst scorned women seeking revenge or just a good laugh at someone else’s expense. Anything goes; authors may list the victim’s first and last name, age, city, occupation, any sexual shortcomings she wishes to reveal, and can even upload his photo. Members can log in and leave comments on posts, creating a virtual, man-bashing hen party that is undeniably hilarious. Within the posts, selected men worldwide are exposed for being liars, cheaters, bad in bed, criminals, closet homosexuals, mama’s boys, whores, bums, “small,” mean, stupid, and everything in between. Finding someone you know under the “Search” function is an added bonus to the the experience. No one does viciousness like women, and DDHG is the mecca of vicious. Let it be known, DontDateHimGirl.com is a bittersweet marriage of hilarity, despair, justice, and cattiness.

Sometimes in life, exposure is simply necessary. An alarming number of women on DDHG post accounts of being infected with disease by men living on the “down low” and want nothing more than to send along a warning to prevent it from happening to someone else. Others discovered that they had been had by a slick-talking, storytelling, married man who fancies “extramarital activities” and simply want to send up a smoke signal to the female public so no one else plays the fool for him. These cases only account for only a moderate chunk of posts on DDHG, leaving thousands of more generalized tales of bitterness over a relationship gone sour. Don’t Date Him, Girl. If you’re thinking that such camaraderie and consideration seems strange among women, you’re right. This site isn’t really about looking out for your fellow woman; it’s mostly about lashing out at your ex, a very natural urge that some can control, while others obviously can’t. Slashing his tires is so 90′s. These days it’s all about cyber-sabotage.

I ended up not submitting my ex’s profile to DontDateHimGirl.com. As it turns out, I possessed an element much stronger than scorn: pride. Far be it from me to let the whole world know that this man, for a moment in time, had gotten the better of me. There were no diseases or secret wife involved, only your standard, run of the mill, bad breakup. Three and a half years later, I know that everyone goes through their share, and after each one, we emerge stronger and wiser than before. And if he is a jerk (and there is a good chance that he is), then why give him the satisfaction of letting him know that he hurt you? Is flattery what he needs right now? Even scarier, what if you were the one who was wrong in the breakup? Because of these possibilities and the fact that you are dedicating your work day to Internet-bombing your ex, perhaps a long, silent distance between the newly dissolved couple is what’s needed in place of a DDHG profile. Time heals all wounds, and you’ll be relieved that you didn’t leave that bitter footprint on the Internet. The lessons from this romantic disaster will prevent you from making the same mistakes down the road. If it walks like a duck, then girl… don’t date him.

Renee B. is a is a contributor to Island Vibes Magazine and writes about social issues and sexuality, from her perspective. For comments, please feel free to contact her at renee@islandvibesmag.com.

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