Sex and the Diaspora

The Gold Digger Contract: Naughty or Nice?

By Renee B.

What a disappointment it was to learn that Christmas gifts grow farther and few between as you get older, even if you are a good boy or girl. At least, that's the way I experienced it. A female acquaintance of mine, whom I have known for many years, is known in my city for rocking the freshest clothing, taking several expensive vacations throughout the year, driving a Mercedes, and most notably, for not doing any work of any kind. Not that she couldn't work; the girl is attractive, smart and educated, confident, and outgoing. Yet she chooses to live her life as a “Gold Digger”. Her Christmas gifts this year will undoubtedly overshadow mine by a few hundred dollars. In fact, I know a handful of women who quite literally make a living as "sugar babies". Come to think of it, I know even more men who are openly comfortable being "sugar daddies". This age-old arrangement has continuously received flack from many sources, while it is praised by others. And, as always, the players change, but the game remains the same.

In 2008, relations between men and women certainly seem to be mostly a series of unspoken business transactions. With all the various "rules on when to pick up the tab" and "second date expectations," there should be some sort of manual for modern dating. That's why the game of gold digging can be a potentially tricky one. An action as simple as accepting a new pair of shoes could land a woman into an unintended contract. Buying a pair of shoes for a woman can land a man into a similar unintended contract. Thus, conflict is born. Being a sugar daddy or baby is one thing, but it is entirely different to take on the role unwittingly. That's usually the type of story that ends in smashed car windows, broken hearts, and hard core drama. It's no one's place to judge anyone's lifestyle, but if a relationship is meant to be just a business transaction, both parties at least deserve to know.

So much finger-pointing occurs surrounding the concept of gold digging. Many argue that the sex-for-money arrangement is no more than a glorified form of prostitution. Some look down their noses at the women who make themselves available for the arrangement. Others feel that the men are at fault for exploiting women involved. Whether the sugar daddy-sugar baby agreement is prostitution or not, what remains constant is that it takes two to tango. Neither adult who knowingly signs themselves up for this type of commitment is a victim; one is not more "evil" than the other. No matter what you feel about the situation looking from the outside in, the people on the inside got themselves into the situation and have no right to cry foul.

As a woman, I struggle with being non-judgmental about the gold digging sensation. Women have enjoyed incredible gains in rights over the past century, which would lead the objective observer to believe that we can get whatever we want on our own. The glass ceiling is still very real, but our opportunities grow with each day. On one hand, I feel like the feminist movement has been a bit slighted by women who offer their bodies in exchange for things that they could get for themselves. But another part of me is wrecked with anger over the fact that I still can't enjoy all of the opportunities as my male counterparts. That part of me doesn't see the harm in a woman sharing a mutually beneficial relationship with a man; so that she may accomplish some goals and he can feel a sense of fulfillment. Needless to say, for me and anyone else who is not 100% “gung ho” about this deal, it is not a good idea to sign up for it.

The sugar daddy-sugar baby arrangement is most likely not going anywhere. It has survived successfully for this long for reasons that you and I may not understand. There are still plenty of men who don't feel like they need to pay for a woman's company, and plenty of women who can get the things they want without any help. There are also plenty out people out there who have made this business transaction a comfortable way of life. Either way, a fat Christmas stocking is hardly enjoyable without a peace of mind that you can enjoy throughout the year. This year, let your Christmas Wish and your New Year's resolution be the ability to own the choices you make with your body and your money, to do what is best for you, and to never compromise your own standards.

(Renee B. is a is a contributor to Island Vibes Magazine and writes about social issues and sexuality, from her perspective. For comments, please feel free to contact her at renee@islandvibesmag.com.)