The Gift of Knowing Your "Status" This Valentine's Day

Booed up this Valentine's Day? In addition to wooing your partner with flowers, chocolate, and all those other Cupid-inspired goodies, Valentine's Day might be the opportune time for you and your partner to make a date at the clinic. I'm pretty sure I've just killed the mood for all the couples out there looking to get it on come Valentine's Day. But, with people of color in America being disproportionately infected with HIV/AIDS, it is important to give your partner the gift of knowing your HIV status. And if you think I'm over-reacting, the statistics speak for themselves. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), more than a million people in America have HIV and one in five are unaware they have the virus--transmitting more than half of the 56,000 estimated new HIV infections that occur annually.

HIV/AIDS in Our Community

In recent years, the rate of HIV/AIDS infections among people of color, particularly those of African descent has been on the rise. Blacks are disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS. Although they only make up 13 percent of the U.S. population, they account for more than 49 percent of AIDS cases, according to the CDC. AIDS is now the leading cause of death for Black women ages 25 to 34, and the second leading cause of death for Black men ages 35 to 44. National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day is celebrated annually on February 7 in the U.S., in an effort to encourage more people to get tested.

Here is a breakdown of the estimated number of AIDS cases by ethnicity in 2006, according to the CDC.

Easing the Barriers of HIV Testing

Now that the statistics have been laid out on the table, it's time for us to take action by protecting ourselves and our partners. The only surefire way to do this is by getting tested. But, I'm in a monogamous relationship? Unfortunately, in this day in age where everything in a relationship isn't always what it seems, we can't afford to be naive about taking care of our bodies.

Nevertheless, there is still reluctance for many of us to get tested and even when we do, some of us don't get our results. According to the CDC, an estimated 31 percent of people fail to go back to public testing sites to get their results. Why? Some simply forget, others get tired of playing the waiting game and many purposely don't return because they fear the worst.

In September 2006, the CDC introduced a new policy for HIV testing. The policy calls for the routine HIV testing of all adults and adolescents who visit healthcare facilities. Patients can choose not to take the test, but the new policy removes the need for written consent and lengthy pre-test prevention counseling, which in the past often deterred patients from pursuing HIV testing. Despite this new policy, all healthcare settings still haven't conformed to this practice, mostly due in part to the costs.

At any rate, knowing your partner's and your HIV/AIDS status is extremely important. If your health insurance doesn't cover routine HIV testing or you don't have insurance, free testing is offered in most publicly funded clinics. More and more testing centers in the US are now offering rapid tests, which provide results far more quickly--sometimes in as little as 20 minutes!

Having "The Talk"

So now that you have the facts, how exactly do you go about asking your partner to get tested? Many people may feel afraid or embarrassed to bring up the subject. Here, a few tips that might make talking about a sensitive subject like HIV testing with your beau, less awkward.

1) Particularly if you've just begun dating, bring the subject up in a casual manner (preferably before you engage in sexual activity) by first asking them what they think of HIV. Ask them about their contraception use. For the most part, people are creatures of habit. If they've used condoms with their past partners, they will be more likely to use them with you. If your potential partner feels comfortable talking about HIV and contraception with you, he or she may be more likely to discuss getting tested at a later date.

2) Sexual health is a two-way street. So don't go into the conversation saying to your partner, "you need to get tested." Offer to get tested yourself first and vocalize to your partner how important it is to you and that you are thinking about not only your own welfare, but theirs as well.

3) Let your partner know that you are not singling him or her out and that these are precautions you take with all of your sexual partners. Drive the point home that it's not that you don't trust your partner or think he or she is promiscuous, but that you don't trust the sexual histories of those that your partner may have slept with in the past.

4) Stress how much less inhibited you can be in your sex life if you don't have to worry about what you or your partner could be spreading.

At the end of the day, the only person really responsible for our sexual health is us. We must commit ourselves to openly communicating with our partners about our sexual histories, practice safe sex and most importantly--get tested! This Valentine's Day, I urge everyone out there who still doesn't know their HIV status, to give the gift of knowing to their partner. Love is already in the air on Valentine's Day, but wouldn't safe love be so much better?

(Monique Reuben is a contributor to Island Vibes Magazine. For comments, please feel free to contact her at monique@islandvibesmag.com.)

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