Sex and the Diaspora

The Trick Bag: Shame on You

By Renee B.

I believe the expression goes, "what sweet nanny goat run him belly," or what tastes good to a goat will ruin his belly. We've all been that greedy 'goat' before, blindly chasing what we desire with no regard to its consequences. Matters of the heart are no exception. Some of us have gone to great extremes in efforts to hold on to a love that we were convinced was ours (I know I have.) If you've been down that road before, then you probably know that sometimes that love is simply not meant to be, and that the longer you stay, the more you essentially hurt yourself. Sadly, others are often hurt in the process as well. Sex is a weapon, and a desperate, lovesick individual is liable to reach for that weapon. One such method of pulling that trigger is the timeless, tried and not-so-true "trick bag."

The "trick bag" is an affectionate term for the practice of women (and sometimes men) intentionally using a pregnancy to keep a lover from straying. The underlying anticipation is to spark feelings of sympathy, guilt, or responsibility, and thus "trap" the person sought after. This ultra-sneaky tactic can sometimes lead strained romances to marriage. Other times, it does not. Most of the time, the party caught up in the trick bag finds themselves with a colossal, unwanted obligation that they were likely not prepared for. Naturally, the victim becomes resentful, whether they decide to stay or not. The relationship between the two typically winds up labored, often dragging family and friends into this hot, steaming mess. At the end of the day, the overzealous, scorned lover gets what they originally yearned for. Only everything has since changed.

Then there is the child. An innocent baby, with no karma to speak of, who did not ask for this. The innocent one never asked to be the product of a desperate attempt to capture someone. Nor did it ask to live a life full of joint custody, being picked up and dropped off, alternating holidays between parents. If the parents do stay together, the bouncing baby boy or girl has a lifetime of front-row seats to the parents' bickering, tension, and absence of love to look forward to. Momma and Daddy's very sticky situation has now predisposed yet another poor soul to unhealthy relationship habits. And the cycle continues!

As I've stated, this phenomenon is not new. In fact, it's one of, if not the oldest tricks in the book. Everyone knows someone who has pulled this poisonous stunt on an unsuspecting person before. Some of you may even be the product of a trick bag or have constructed one yourself, not that it's anyone's business. If you are affected by this reality, it's not too late to undo the ugliness. Human beings are just that: human. We don't come with a warranty or instruction manual. We make mistakes, plain and simple. Fortunately, we don't have to carry our past indiscretions with us forever, if we don't wish to. Most unfavorable circumstances that we bring upon ourselves can be healed by acknowledging where we went wrong and sticking to a straight path. We pay our dues, which can be fairly pricey, but it's important to move forward. In the trick bag example, there is a child involved. They deserve a clean slate!

Sex can be many things, but it should always be a matter of pleasure, not vindication or selfishness. And if you have to go to these extremes to make him or her stay, then it's just not in the stars for the two of you to be one. A baby won't change that. Living life righteously and loving the self first is more likely to hook a good catch than schemes and shenanigans ever could. Love, like energy, can never be created or destroyed. It continuously recycles itself under the appropriate conditions. Those conditions are not under our control, but patience rarely goes unrewarded.

(Renee B. is a is a contributor to Island Vibes Magazine and writes about social issues and sexuality, from her perspective. For comments, please feel free to contact her at renee@islandvibesmag.com.)