Sex and the Diaspora

Today's Metrosexual Man: No Thank You, Sir

By Renee B.

Be careful what you wish for. For decades women have lamented our male counterparts' neglect of their hygiene and inability to dress themselves. We simply could not wrap our minds around their difficulty in shopping for themselves, understand the importance of exfoliating, or even keep some essential parts of their body clean. Then, in the early part of this decade came the "metrosexual movement." Suddenly our otherwise normal, straight men began to pay an alarming amount of attention to their hair, expensive fragrances, and high fashion. Aesthetically, the whole deal has certainly been refreshing. After time, however, the whole phenomenon has became slightly unnerving to the average woman, not knowing what to make of her man's new collection of skin care products or his new fascination with getting his eyebrows shaped. In fact, with the movement occurring simultaneously with the neo gay revolution, this behavior raises eyebrows in a major way, especially in the Caribbean. Then again, maybe these metrosexual vigilantes aren't gay. Stranger things have happened...

As I write these words, I admittedly struggle to come up with a plausible explanation for why a straight man would want to be "pretty", for lack of a better word. Well-groomed is one thing; metrosexual is quite another. UrbanDictionary.com defines metrosexual as "A straight man who embraces the homosexual lifestyle, i.e. refined tastes in clothing, excessive use of designer hygiene products, etc." Logic would lead me to believe that a man who is not in fact gay will not sign up for being labeled as anything near homosexual. Caribbean men? Forget about it. Even with the growing acceptance of the gay community in the Islands (albeit slow), the metrosexual man is still walking on social eggshells.

Bear in mind, there are always two sides to a story. The technological revolution has changed traditional roles in every part of the world. Men who used to work with their hands now find themselves making a living behind a desk; and they can't wear their overalls to the office. Sadly, character and merit often take a back seat to image in the world we live in. Despite whatever talents he may have, a well-dressed, well-groomed man is already ahead of the game. A smart man will do what he has to do to be the winner of this game. Sometimes, being the winner involves a little "prettying up." In the workplace, one could make a strong case for that. In the workplace! Prettying up to walk the streets or attend social events, however, gets to be tricky. Still, a pass is allowed to men undergoing an identity crisis of some sort and found themselves behaving in a metrosexual manner. As long as they don't become comfortable doing so.

The term "metrosexual" is often no more than a word to describe a man who is not ready to come out of the closet. Should a man tell you that he gets manicures and shaves his entire body to impress women, it's nothing short of a lie. We girls never asked for that, and frankly, it's a turnoff. Men know that, no matter what they tell you. What is my purpose here if he's pretty enough for the both of us? By no means is this a judgment against gays or gay men who call themselves metrosexual, but it is high time that everyone just start being honest. Plenty of guys out there are well-groomed and have an appreciation for fashion. That does not make them gay. But when this interest becomes a noticeable obsession, obviously something else is going on. The best advice I can give to an alleged metrosexual man is to either admit to your homosexual tendencies, or, if it's all a simple misunderstanding or an identity crisis in your case, lose some of the femme and put on some macho. But don't straddle the fence.

(Renee B. is a is a contributor to Island Vibes Magazine and writes about social issues and sexuality, from her perspective. For comments, please feel free to contact her at renee@islandvibesmag.com.)